


primeval fic: smile

by dominique012



Category: Primeval
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 06:50:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1418890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dominique012/pseuds/dominique012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for <a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://and-i.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://and-i.livejournal.com/"><b>and_i</b></a> For the ficathon at <a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/"></a><b>primevalathon</b> with the prompt "Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad." Hope you like it. :)</p>
    </blockquote>





	primeval fic: smile

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://and-i.livejournal.com/profile)[**and_i**](http://and-i.livejournal.com/) For the ficathon at [](http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/)**primevalathon** with the prompt "Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad." Hope you like it. :)

Rating: G  
 **Words:** 2522  
 **Characters:** Connor Temple, Claudia Brown, mentions of others. Lester cameo.  
 **Spoilers:** Pretty much everything.  
 **Notes:** Written for [](http://and-i.livejournal.com/profile)[**and_i**](http://and-i.livejournal.com/) For the ficathon at [](http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/profile)[**primevalathon**](http://primevalathon.livejournal.com/) with the prompt "Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad." Hope you like it. :)

Connor ran into the spiky, shimmering anomaly, his heart thudding in his chest, a thrill of butterflies in his gut. Quivering fear and mad excitement rushed through him as he once again ran headlong into the realm of the unknown-and-very-likely-deadly-but-hopefully-not.

“Connor!”

For a moment he thought it was Abby, calling after him from the cold London street. But as he landed through the anomaly onto soft, damp grass, he felt someone’s arms capture him in a warm embrace. Dark hair, a woman’s fragrance, a voice - happy and familiar.

“Connor! It’s you. Oh, God. You’re here. ” Her tone was affectionate and relieved. She held Connor even closer, and he fought to catch his breath. Finally, released and a bit dazed, he had the chance to look around. They were standing in a deserted suburban playground. Through the morning drizzle, he could see a row of short, squat office buildings nearby. No one was about.

He met the excited, expectant gaze of his happy companion.

“Jenny!” he exclaimed. “This is weird. Where have I landed?” He looked around, wondering what had happened. This was London still. “Shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?” He laughed, feeling somehow that he should, but the look of her was a bit wrong.

She regarded him, her smile fading slowly. Connor watched as the happy expression transformed to a solemn uncertainty. She took a long deep breath. “Oh, Connor.” A resigned tone, the joy in her voice gone. It trembled just a little. “How are you...alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Nearly crushed, but fine.” Connor frowned. She looked different. Her hair was lighter and fell loosely about her face. She wore less make-up.

“Sorry about that.” She waved her hand around vaguely. “Just a bit...overwhelmed to see you.” She looked uncomfortable, her eyes darting around.

“Jenny, where are we? I’m supposed to be hunting in the Triassic! Well, not hunting, exactly, more like-”

“It’s Claudia actually, Connor.” She exhaled slowly.

His eyes widened. “Sorry?”

“Claudia Brown,” she said. “I shouldn’t have leapt on you liked that. I’m a bit confused myself. Hugging you to death probably wasn’t probably the best way to start off. I was just so relieved -" She stopped suddenly.

Connor felt like his heart had just been catapulted down the road somehow with his brain hurrying to catch up. He took in a gulp of air. “C-Claudia Brown.” He felt desperately like he should understand. Not Jenny. Claudia Brown. He frowned.

_Where’s Claudia Brown?_

Connor took a deep breath. Remembered Cutter’s wild eyes, his confusion, and anger.

_Something’s gone wrong. Something’s happened. Something’s changed ...Something that we’ve done has changed the past and she’s not here anymore._

Connor stared at Claudia. The woman Cutter had seen in Jenny. Connor felt stupid all of a sudden, even within the realisation that it wasn’t his fault. They’d all thought Cutter was going mad.

“Cutter remembered you...” Connor stared at the grass, frowning. “Oh, God. He remembered you and no one else did. No one understood him, and then he met Jenny. It was so Sci-fi, but not really in a good way.” He realised he was babbling. “Oh..I don’t know where I am, do I? You might not even know him.”

“Professor Nick Cutter.” Claudia said softly. “I knew him. He was. I really. We were so.” She smiled. “Sorry. I loved him. We were happy. He - died.”

Connor‘s heart plummeted and he felt a painful knot in his stomach. Again. He blinked, surprised and cursing the sudden pricking feeling in his eyes. “Oh...”

He felt the heavy, sunken pain and sadness slowly shift in his chest. To distract himself, he focused on her - Claudia. She looked terribly sad now, and Connor didn’t know if it was because he himself was about to cry, or because she missed Nick, or just because the situation was so confused. She’d said it was a relief to see him. His brain veered away from that.

He looked down to see that she’d moved closer and her hand was resting on his arm. The anomaly shimmered and pulsed gently nearby. He had no idea how he had arrived here, or what was going on. He knew he should run back through as fast as he could, but he felt unable to move. Claudia’s here, he argued half-heartedly with himself, and then was unsure why that should be reassuring.

Claudia’s fingers squeezed his arm. “Will you come with me?” He heard a pleading note in her voice.

Connor looked at the anomaly and then took a deep breath. “Yeah. Let’s go”

+++

The coffee tasted normal. Connor hadn’t asked for it, but Claudia had ordered two plain white mugs from a nearby cafe. Her fingers curled around hers, turning it slowly.

She worked in a branch of Home Office, a small group tucked away and industriously investigating anomalies under the radar. No Lester, no modern ARC facilities.

“We cleared the playground as soon as the anomaly appeared,” she said suddenly. “Had to basically chase the children out of there. I’d no time to call Special Ops before you burst through.” She gave him a small grin. “Lucky for us you weren’t a Velociraptor or something like that.”

Connor tried to smile back. He wished he could remember her. “Claudia,” he said firmly. “Claudia Brown.”

She looked questioningly at him, and when he was silent she nodded. “That’s right.”

“You know me, “Connor continued slowly, “But I know Jenny.”

She looked sympathetically at him. “Nick and I...we’d have these conversations, so many of them. About worlds evolving, all the possibilities, all the people. He’d bend my brain with all his permutations and possibilities. Who I could be, who he could be.” A little huff of laughter. “He was always someone brilliant, of course.” She met Connor’s gaze, a mischievous little smile on her face.

He grinned and felt the moment of lightness start to relieve the tension coiled inside him.

Claudia looked uncertainly at him. “And...Jenny?”

Connor swallowed. “She looked a lot like you. I mean, it was - you. You couldn’t tell. Cutter lost you. I suppose we all did, but we just didn’t know. He railed at us about having worked with you for months. And then we met Jenny. Everyone thought he’d gone a bit...”

“Mad,” she murmured. “Why did he remember?”

“He’d been through an anomaly. When he came back, he couldn’t find you.”

Claudia’s expression grew sad again. “Poor Nick...”

“We lost him too,” Connor continued flatly. “His wife, Helen. She shot him.”

Claudia closed her eyes for a moment and then stared down at the table. “I’m sorry, Connor.” It was a whisper.

Connor sighed heavily. “I haven’t really thought of him all that much -" He stopped. “Well - just through the work. After he died, I focused on his work. Codes, artifacts, and puzzles. He was brilliant. I didn’t want to let him down.”

Claudia smiled. Her smile was warm, encouraging.

Connor faltered. The truth was that he’d focused on the work to forget about the Professor. The pain of being there with him as he was dying, listening to his voice in the darkness with all the destruction around them, and then not knowing how they’d all be able to keep going without him had been almost paralysing. Connor hadn’t known what to do or say or think.

“So I pushed it all down.” The last part of his thought escaped his lips and Claudia looked up. He shook his head. “Sorry. It’s just - I think I tried to forget him.”

He pressed his lips together, feeling his chest tighten. “I pushed it all away. All the... I didn’t know how to...I didn’t want to miss him.”

Claudia leaned forward and covered his hand with hers. Her voice was low and warm. “Maybe it’s better you didn’t get lost in the pain. Maybe he would have been proud of you for going on.”

Connor felt suddenly everything was wrong. He didn’t even know this woman. Did she even know the Cutter he knew? He stared down at her fingers resting on his, confused and miserable.

Claudia shifted suddenly, standing up. “I want to show you something.”

+++

She unlocked a heavy door leading into a large, open plan basement. They’d driven to a grey building apparently not far from her office. Connor entered the room to see a long white bench along one wall strewn with cables, papers, and bits of electronics equipment, as well as a number of computers, monitors, and unfamiliar-looking hand held devices. He glanced at scribbled sketches and calculations as he walked along, his hands skimming over laptops and displays.

Finally, at the end of the bench, he stopped suddenly, spotting something familiar. He looked up, wide-eyed.

Claudia perched on the edge of a chair and grinned. “What do you think?”

Connor shook his head slowly and picked it up. “Do you know what this is?”

“Do you?” Claudia seemed to be enjoying the moment.

“An anomaly device like this,” Connor said slowly, holding it up, "saved Abby and me in the Cretaceous. It opens anomalies. Where did you get this?”

“You found it and brought it back to me.” Claudia replied. “From the Cretaceous.”

Connor almost dropped it. He placed it carefully back down on the bench. "This is going to do my head in, isn’t it?”

She picked up the device and looked at the display. “You found it, tinkered with it, and you said to me ‘Claudia, I think this thing will open anomalies. Just point and click.’ We had no idea where it had come from, but it was like a gift.” She grinned. “And you were the boy on Christmas morning.”

Connor smiled wryly. “Did...we try it out?”

Claudia shook her head. “We didn’t get a chance.” Her eyes flickered around the room and she bit her lip anxiously. "Connor...”

He looked at her, for the first time that day feeling like he was ahead of the game. “You were so happy to see me,” he noted. “Like it was some kind of miracle. He watched her face. “Like maybe...maybe you’d lost me too.”

Claudia looked ashamed. “I shouldn’t have grabbed you. Or I should have said something. I’m not sure. Seeing you was like a dream.”

Connor nodded slowly. Amazingly, establishing his own death hadn’t caused him to implode or disappear. He didn’t try to understand the blankness he was feeling, and he didn’t ask her for the details.

She was watching him closely. “Are you ok?”

He nodded. “Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I feel alright. It’s not...traumatising or anything. I just feel like I’m in the wrong place.” He looked at the mess of equipment and books. “Why is it so chaotic here?”

“This was your space. I’ve hardly been in here since.”

“Why not?”

Claudia shook her head. "You threw yourself into your work. I locked up and closed my eyes. I felt -" She sighed. "Responsible. No, guilty. For letting you go. The mission was dangerous. I worked through it in my head a million times and each time hated myself again for sending you through."

Connor didn’t know what to say. Given the insane circumstances, _Don’t feel so bad_ didn’t seem quite right. He looked at the floor.

“The point is,” She stood up now and faced him. “I haven’t been able to think of you at all without feeling stupid, helpless, guilty pain. It was so unfair. To have guilt and sorrow take the place of this clever, kind, funny, inspired person." Her eyes brightened. “But look at you.”

Seeing his incredulous expression, she added, “I know - perhaps it’s not the same you. But it’s a gift to see you here. To be able to think of you again as a living, breathing _brilliant_ person, not just a jumble of my miserable emotions.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “You remind me of you.”

“I think you might be losing your mind.” But he smiled. He could see why Cutter liked her.

“You said you tried to forget Nick. Maybe it’s good that you did. Focusing on his work kept you strong. Nick would have hated you to sink down in pain. Well,” She smiled gently. ”I think he would have. And now -" She gave him a significant look. “You can remember me. Or at least know there was a real Claudia Brown.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “That’s true. I told him I believed him, but now..I’ve actually met her. You. A version of you anyway." He shook his head. “Or something.”

She laughed. “Exactly.”

Connor shook his head. Definitely the weirdest conversation he’d ever had.

+++

Connor hadn’t considered what he would do if it didn’t work, and he ended up stuck in a place where he’d already died. It’s all going to be fine, he told himself. _Fine._

He’d spent the day in the basement lab, checking out the anomaly device and talking to Claudia about his work at the ARC. He’d poked around his own files and sketches, and put together some ideas for Claudia’s operation. She’d thanked him, but had ended up pushing them impatiently aside.

“Connor, forget about this. Focus on the device. Focus on your life!”

And so here they were, standing in the basement looking at each other. Connor and Claudia. She looked into his eyes with a sigh, though she seemed excited to be sending him home. She smiled brightly, and Connor noticed again what a good smile she had. It was impossible not to feel great looking at her smile.

He hugged her. “I don’t know what to say. I suppose ‘see you later’ is a bit unlikely.”

She laughed against his shoulder. “I suppose. But it doesn’t matter. I’m so thankful. Seeing you has made all the difference.”

“Yes” Connor kissed her cheek. “Likewise. Thank you, Claudia Brown”

She stepped back and looked expectantly at him. With a nod, Connor took a deep breath and touched the settings on the display.

The anomaly appeared immediately. He breathed in took one last look at Claudia Brown. He ran, once more.

+++

“Claudia Brown?” Lester said imperiously. “Professor Cutter’s mysterious woman?”

Connor nodded. The ARC around him was as shiny and modern as ever. Abby was amazing. Becker and Jess were still dancing around each other. All good.

“Yeah. I met her. Don’t know how. Don’t know why. It was extremely weird.”

“Did she have anything useful to tell you?”

Connor shrugged. It had been strange and beautiful and valuable, but he didn’t feel like sharing it with Lester. “She said it was good I tried to forget, and that I reminded her of me." He grinned.

Lester looked up and gave a derisive snort. “I see. How very eccentric of her. Anything else?”

Connor headed for the door. “She had an amazing smile.”

**end**


End file.
